In order to win your next election campaign what exciting and outrageous lies can we look forward to?
I'm sure your memory holes remember something about a GST promise. Which was fantastic, I know it got my vote. What really got me hooked, however, was the cunning and brilliant plan of actually installing the GST anyway. I mean sure, why not... it makes sense...
I would be uber delighted if you could spin more proverbial than Oprah's toilet bowl and promise us free education. Think about how cool it'll be when the hippies line up to get their handouts and your secret service bondage masters are standing there with tazers ready to take 'em down... everyone loves a crying naked hippie, right?
Anyway, back on track, what colour undies do you wear on election day? How about Janette?
All my love,
Phil the Kiwi O'Keefe
Phil,
Ha! Free education! That's a good one. I'll remember that one for the next cabinet meeting, it should give everyone a good laugh. Last week, Alex Downer told a classic about something called "human rights". I swear, we were all rolling around on the floor with laughter. Absolute pisser.
At the moment, I reckon I'm mainly gonna focus my lying on Mark Latham. Mark eats babies, Mark posed nude for Playboy, Mark really killed Harold Holt, Mark smells... that sort of thing. I'm not even sure I'd really be lying, either, 'cause all that stuff sounds like it could be true. Mark is a total nasty pastie.
And for the record, I normally wear my good luck Ninja Turtles undies on election day, and I sing this song to get the other MPs pumped up:
Middle-aged Conservative Bourgeois Liberals
Middle-aged Conservative Bourgeois Liberals
Middle-aged Conservative Bourgeois Liberals
Let's keep up morale
Liberal power!
We're the world's most traditionalist political team (We're really hip!)
We're heroes in shirts and ties and we hate the Greens (Bob Brown's a total drip!)
When the evil Latham attacks
Us Liberal boys don't cut him no slack!
Middle-aged Conservative Bourgeois Liberals
Middle-aged Conservative Bourgeois Liberals
Menzies taught us how to love the Queen (She's an awesome old bat!)
John Howard leads, stealing policies from Pauline (But doesn't cop the flack!)
Downer isn't a tool but he's rude (The things that batter!)
Costello is a party dude (Liberal Party!)
Middle-aged Conservative Bourgeois Liberals
Middle-aged Conservative Bourgeois Liberals
Middle-aged Conservative Bourgeois Liberals
Middle-aged Conservative Bourgeois Liberals
Let's keep up morale
Liberal power!
Got a question? Then share, because I care. Email me, the people's PM, at jhlog@hotmail.com