tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39388162011-04-21T18:22:08.672-07:00Ask JohnI may be PM, but that doesn't mean I can't give back to the people of this great country. So tell me your problems and your concerns. Open up and vent. Because I'm here for you. I'm your PM. You don't see Tony Blair giving back to his country like this, do you? That's why everyone in England is so depressed all the time.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comBlogger661100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1106476995330291772005-01-23T01:58:00.000-08:002005-09-06T10:53:39.333-07:00Hello!Our names are Alexis and Sarah. We are 5th Grade girls and we have a few questions for you:Why do bad things happen when you're in charge?Are you a good wizard or a bad wizard?Are you / will you ever be ruler of the world?What is your favourite song?Which do you prefer: Telletubbies or Sesame Street?What is your ALL-TIME favourite game to play at lunchtime?Do you like popcorn?Can I be your Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1096696553877051352004-10-01T21:17:00.000-07:002005-09-06T10:54:14.110-07:00Dear "Honest" John, Who'd you rather? Kylie or Danii? Yours, Alan GAlan,You know, everyone loooves Kylie so much, and sure, I've done the Locomotion at heaps of Liberal Party functions, and I cried during Scott and Charlene's wedding, but Dannii was the original Minogue, and she'll always have a special place in my heart. The way she'd light up the YTT stage with Vince Del Tito and a Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1090079825939026332004-07-17T07:27:00.000-07:002004-07-17T09:00:25.803-07:00Dear Johnny aka "Twinkle Toes" Howard,   In order to win your next election campaign what exciting and outrageous lies can we look forward to?   I'm sure your memory holes remember something about a GST promise. Which was fantastic, I know it got my vote. What really got me hooked, however, was the cunning and brilliant plan of actually installing the GST anyway. I mean sure, why not... it Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1084289237921141212004-05-11T08:26:00.000-07:002004-05-11T08:27:17.920-07:00Dear John Have you ever supected that David and Alan were more than just "friends"? Brian Brian, Yeah, I wondered that, too. So I asked someone, and apparently they're both involved in broadcasting, too! Another mystery solved. Got a question? Then share, because I care. Email me, the people's PM, at jhlog@hotmail.com Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1084288861128527832004-05-11T08:12:00.000-07:002004-05-11T08:21:01.130-07:00Dear Johnny, Does Janette let you watch "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"? If the Fab Five were lucky enough to visit you, what tips do think you would share? Yours, A Closet Metrosexual Dear Closet Metrosexual, Queer Eye is SUCH a great show. I don't know why they call them "queer", though. I don't reckon they're odd at all. They wouldn't have to give me any advice, though, 'cause I'm Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1079452768442953332004-03-16T07:59:00.000-08:002004-03-16T08:03:09.890-08:00Hi John, As an American, is there anything you can do to help me make sure that Bush, your best friend and My Hero, gets to stay in power? For instance, would the code of Bartertown be useful in the American Electoral system? Please help! Thanks, - A Concerned American Dear Concerned American, I'm not sure Mel Gibson films are the best place to get advice from. Like, did you see that ManJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1079450323597409372004-03-16T07:18:00.000-08:002004-03-16T07:22:42.936-08:00Dear John, A lot of media attention and publicity in America is given to Indian casinos, and how the Indians are ripping off normal Americans. I was wondering what you thought about this, and whether you think it would be a good idea to maybe offer Aborigines casinos here to keep them off your back? Best wishes, Prenton Prenton, No. See, casinos add class and sophistication to AustralianJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1079448978899566662004-03-16T06:56:00.000-08:002004-03-16T07:00:26.263-08:00Dear John, Sorry to whinge mate (excuse this dangerous, asylum seeker speaking your native tongue), but it's been over two years on this Island hell hole and I'm still going to get shot by the Taliban if I return to Afghanistan. Not much of a solution in my opinion. Any chance of getting off Nauru before my kidneys completely cave in, because of the water you serve up here? Australian mate Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1079446871905194422004-03-16T06:21:00.000-08:002004-03-16T06:24:24.043-08:00Dear Mister Minister, You're the bees knees, Mister Minister. If I weren't American, I would want to be Australian so I could vote for you. I wish Australia would leave the Commonwealth and join America. We could be the United States of Austrerica. Then I could vote for you and George. Canada could join too but first they have to get rid of those stupid French buggers (useless bunch of gabblers Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1072370307909520422003-12-25T08:38:00.000-08:002003-12-25T08:45:44.500-08:00Dear Mr Man of Steel, sir, I hope you'll forgive me for being so familiar using the nickname given to you by your best friend. I have a serious question that has been worrying me and probably maybe you too. First we lost the World Cup to England, then we lost the unloseable test match to the Indians. Before we get beaten again, do you think that these countries and lots of other countries Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1072369496760626012003-12-25T08:24:00.000-08:002003-12-25T08:43:02.890-08:00Dear John, I live in New Zealand, but I wish I was an Australian like you. You are so cool, and your country is definitely cooler than ours. I mean, we have a woman Prime Minister and everything, and she's a bit of a leftie to boot. Plus our abos, who call themselves maoris, have far too much of a say and reckon they should be given everything. And your cricket team is heaps better than ours tooJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1072368399849278922003-12-25T08:06:00.000-08:002003-12-25T08:43:22.810-08:00John, Due to the popularity of Pop Idol, have you considered running the next Election as 'Poll Idol'? You, Mark, Bob and whoever the Democrats have as their leader that week could sing and dance for the opportunity to run the country for the next 4 years. You'd totally win, the Democrats will probably do a 'Cosimer' and pull out at the last minute coz they have a sore throat or something. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-107236743153608352003-12-25T07:50:00.000-08:002003-12-25T08:43:44.623-08:00Hi John, can I call you John? I have a problem - I am trying to raise my four year old to be kind, compassionate and humble. Recently I witnessed something alarming at her pre-school. All the other children were trying to suck up to her by bringing in little boxes of Fruit Loops and fun packs of Smarties and she was playing them all off on one another, telling one that she could only be friendsJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1067496705594944922003-10-29T22:51:00.000-08:002003-10-29T22:55:45.170-08:00Dear Johnny, I was wondering what you will be dressing up as for Halloween tomorrow? Christop Christop, You know, in the past, every year I used to go as Robert Menzies. It wasn't a hard costume -- just a wig and a pillow up my shirt and I was set. But this year, I decided to dress up as someone different. Someone as cool as Robert Menzies... if not cooler! Yeah, that's right, this year I'm Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1067177645811086282003-10-26T06:14:00.000-08:002003-10-26T06:15:44.140-08:00John, The reason I’m writing is to ask a question about George. As you know, America’s presidential elections are held next year. If George doesn’t get elected for a second term, will you offer him a chance to work in the government here? You could have him go everywhere with you, and give him a job title like “The PM’s Super-Cool Advisor and Best Friend”. What do you think? Greg B Greg, Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1067177135358131902003-10-26T06:05:00.000-08:002003-10-26T06:05:39.483-08:00Dear Johnny, What do you and Janette reckon about the new Salads Plus menu at McDonalds? Christop Cristop, Personally, I've always been a Happy Meal Man. The toys in those things rule. But you know what sucks about McDonalds? The pickles in their burgers. Once I was going to try to pass legislation to make pickles in burgers illegal, but John Anderson didn't reckon the National Party voters Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1067176153329308802003-10-26T05:49:00.000-08:002003-10-26T05:50:00.890-08:00John, Who made you get rid of that attractive comb-over you had for so many years? The T formed by your hair going straight across and your Menzies style eyebrows shooting straight up reminded me to be ever vigilant of all those Traitors in our midst you've fought so hard against. People like abo's, single mums, lefties and poofters. Commies who think Telstra should be of benefit to the whole Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1061566523660099992003-08-22T08:35:00.000-07:002003-08-22T08:36:09.273-07:00Dear Prime Minister, Why don't you have a really cool action figure like George W. Bush? You are the coolest! And i think you deserve one after all the cool things you have done. Chris Chris, Word up. I reckon I totally deserve an action figure, too. It'd have to have lots of cool stuff, though. Like accessories and karate-chop action. Actually, 'cause this is such a good idea, ChrisJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1059239246831374802003-07-26T10:07:00.000-07:002003-07-26T10:19:34.150-07:00Dear John, Why do we in Australia have only six States, while the United States of America get to have 50? If we had a free trade agreement, would we be able to give them some of ours States (maybe more of South Australia) and they could share a couple of theirs with us? Just curious, Nigel Nigel, The reason we only have six states is 'cause there's that star on our flag that has seven Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1057167032472702442003-07-02T10:30:00.000-07:002003-07-02T10:30:32.450-07:00Dear John, You've been PM for a long time now, and done such a wonderful job, don't you think it's time you changed your title from 'Prime Minister', to 'Optimus Prime Minister'? William William, What a wicked idea! Imagine the theme song I could have: John Howard, PM in disguise Liberals wage their battle to Destroy the evil forces of the ALP I actually asked if I could get a car that Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1057165365648829682003-07-02T10:02:00.000-07:002003-07-02T10:11:40.673-07:00Dear John, I know that you are a fan of St George, and that all football players are heterosexual, but is it wrong for gay men to ogle them when they strut around in the clothes they wear. Just as girls that wear short skirts deserve to be raped, don't you think the same goes for Trent Barrett and friends in those see-through shorts? If they didn¹t want me to have sexual desires about their Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1057163974063944852003-07-02T09:39:00.000-07:002003-07-02T09:39:34.030-07:00Dear John, I have been very impressed with your plan to create a 'fairer Medicare system' by making more people pay to go to the doctor - except those poor people in remote areas who should be treated like charity cases. Now the budget shows you are going to create a 'fairer education system' by making more people pay to go to university - except for those poor people at remote universities whoJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-1057162316456136912003-07-02T09:11:00.000-07:002003-07-02T09:11:56.430-07:00Dear John, I really need to know if there's any truth to the rumour that Mr Sheen and you are the same person. Regards, Confused Confused, You know, a few years ago I'd been asked this a few times, but I didn't know who Mr Sheen was. So I went and asked Janette, and she reckoned it was some bloke on a cleaning product. No wonder I hadn't heard of him, 'cause obviously only aJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-942983652003-05-13T17:55:00.000-07:002003-05-13T17:55:35.830-07:00Dear John, What's your favourite song? I bet it's "I'd love to have a beer with Duncan". Or the American national anthem. - Claire Claire, Well, both of those are radical songs, but my favourite is the Australian National Anthem. It's such a cool cong and best of all, the lyrics are spot on. Because Aussies are all young, and free, and wealthy, and our home really is girt by sea. Well, Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-912640592003-03-23T22:02:00.000-08:002003-05-13T17:55:10.000-07:00Honourable Prime Minister Sir, I am an avid cricket fan, as I know you are (it's because of you that I started following the game infact), but with this awesome cool war on I was wondering where your commitments lie. Will you infact watch the cricket final tonight or will you stand by the phone waiting for georgy porgey to ring through word from the war? Or will you impress us all and multitaskJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-912606982003-03-23T20:54:00.000-08:002003-03-23T20:54:15.060-08:00Dear John, When I visited Canberra, I went to parliament house to visit you, but you weren't in the house that day. I drove past the Lodge, but it looked like just a bush shack and you weren't in the lodge anway. I walked to the tent embassy but you weren't in the tent, and they said you never had been either. Don't you think it is time we had a national housing strategy and built a real Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-912602132003-03-23T20:44:00.000-08:002003-03-23T20:44:13.966-08:00Dear PM, My punk teenager took the day off school yesterday, without me knowing, to go in an anti-war protest. What do you think would be a suitable punishment? Your Subject, L. Dear L, You know, people are always going on and on about how drinking and drugs are the main problems with kids today, but I think it's time that they faced the latest dangerous fad: Anti-War Protests. They wag Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-907988262003-03-16T00:44:00.000-08:002003-03-16T00:44:13.373-08:00John, Why do my scones always come out too dry? Am I overcooking them, or is it because I'm using "HiLo" milk? And what's the best way to get a red cordial stain out of corduroy? Thanks, Regina Dear Regina, I don't know how to make scones. Obviously Janette does, 'cause she's a chick and that's what chicks do. Except sometimes when they try to get into Parliament and wear Doc Martins and Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-898271112003-02-27T00:31:00.000-08:002003-02-27T00:31:12.246-08:00Dear Great One, Do you think that after we kick Saddam's arse George will let us hold a Triumph? Like they used to have in Rome: We can drag Saddam through the streets in a cage and all the kiddies can throw pies and lamingtons at him. We need another celebration, it's been a long time since the Olympics. Patriot 1 Dear Patriot, Hmm, Rome... that sounds foreign, like isn't that somwhere in Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-898174282003-02-26T20:22:00.000-08:002003-02-26T20:25:04.000-08:00Dear John, Last week we walked for peace and this morning we walked for CAA. I heard that you walk a lot too – what do you walk for? Paul Dear Paul, I walk for publicity and sex appeal, mainly. Because politicians wearing suits in pictures has been done too much and is soooo unoriginal, but when I wear my running-shorts and show a bit of leg, the ladies go wild! Well, they probably do, I Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-877704712003-01-20T22:21:00.000-08:002003-02-08T21:25:59.000-08:00 John Howard, You can enlarge your member 1-3 inches in a matter of days! We are the #1 MALE ENLARGEMENT supplement on the web. We guarantee the success of our program or we will refund every penny. Come find out why more men AND WOMEN come to us than any other site. - Many More Inches Dear Many, I'm a Member of Parliament, and I'd love to be a few extra inches taller. I've been verticallyJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-865440942002-12-26T01:42:00.000-08:002002-12-26T03:22:32.000-08:00Dear John, I want to improve my public speaking, and have been admiring your body language when you talk for some time. Do you have a coach that gives you little tips like when to shrug, etc.? Tim Dear Tim, Being the PM is a pretty tough job, so sometimes there are people around who tell me how to act and dress and stuff, and there are also these people who write my speeches, even though I Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-853668142002-12-01T23:32:00.000-08:002002-12-01T23:32:14.523-08:00Dear Prime Minister, What is the go with John Anderson? He is such a nong, can't you get rid of him and replace him someone else? Actually the National Party is lacking in political talent, so why don't you create a 'mini-John' in the spirit of Austin Powers' 'mini-me' for your new deputy. That would be super cool. Checkya, Mrs K. Dear Mrs K, That would be super-cool, but cloning's Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-853665282002-12-01T23:21:00.000-08:002002-12-01T23:23:44.000-08:00Dear John, Do you think it could be hypocrisy when countries like the USA and UK are always whining about Nth Korea, India, Pakistan and Iraq having Weapons of Mass Destruction while they maintain the biggest stockpiles in the world of every type of these weapons ever made? And also, given that the US obviously has more than enough and you and George are such great mates, why doesn't he lay Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-853659852002-12-01T23:00:00.000-08:002002-12-01T23:00:18.296-08:00Dear PM, I have always believed in assimilation of people from other countries into our own country. I symbolise this by mixing rice bubbles and cocopops in my breakfast bowl, and the cocopops get lighter as the rice bubbles get browner. It's a small gesture, but an important one, I think. The milk goes brown, too (this represents miscegenation, or mixing of the races), and they all end up one Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-850484022002-11-25T02:51:00.000-08:002002-11-25T02:51:02.723-08:00Hey Johnboy, What do you think of those French Eskimoes up in Canada called your mate George Bush a moron? Should someone go up there and smack them? C Dear C, Yeah, someone probably should, but then, what's the deal with Canada? They're like America, only... not. Like, they look American, they sound American, but they don't have any of the things that makes America cool, like nuclear Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-850482412002-11-25T02:43:00.000-08:002002-11-25T02:43:25.030-08:00Dear Mr Howard, Now that your clever coup inspired plan of separating the Lefties in the Democrats from their only true liberal minded leader Meg, and thereby com-pletely leaving them without a path to follow, has come to pass. How do you propose to get rid of the rest of this pesky group. Mr Crikey Dear Mr Crikey, The Democrats? Who? They're sooooo five minutes ago! The Democrats were justJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-847019032002-11-18T02:49:00.000-08:002002-11-18T02:49:07.310-08:00Dear Chairman God-Johnny, I am wondering two things: When you were in the political wilderness (after Peacock shafted you), what books did you read and study to learn all the wise ways that help you be the bestest PM we have ever had. And also while you were out in the wilderness, did you make a Faustian pact at all? I just wonder because it could be said that you have the luck of the devil.Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-845753462002-11-15T05:34:00.000-08:002002-11-15T05:51:53.000-08:00 Dear Loving Leader, Now that the ACCC has allowed those warm hearted corporations Telstra, News and Sing – tel to join forces so that they can get on with the important and socially useful job of really gauging the square eyed members of the community who wish to pay for their small screen viewing - do you think it would be too much to ask for Sing tel’s overhead cables to come down? It wasJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844175892002-11-12T06:20:00.000-08:002002-11-12T21:24:59.000-08:00 Dear Most Honourable Revered Untouchable Holy Worship of Omniscient Knowledge and Omnipotent Power, Your humble servant meekly asks thee that you might care to answer, what is thy favourite Chinese food? Be it Peking Duck or BBQ Pork? Dim-sims or Lobster? Cantonese or Suechuanese? Your opinion is most desired, o Great One. Wen-Boy Dear Wen-Boy, I don't eat Chinese food much, 'cause people Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844173282002-11-12T06:13:00.000-08:002002-11-12T06:13:30.183-08:00 Dear Little Johnny, I am sure that you are very glad that since the 80's the Labor parties from across the world have seen the light and started coping your enlightened ideas on human rights and ecconomics. What do you think of the new threat posed by the green parties who are stepping into the vaccum left? Thanks, Capt'n Crunch p.s why are you called the liberals if you are conservative? Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844170942002-11-12T06:06:00.000-08:002002-11-12T06:06:24.176-08:00John, What's the deal with your eyebrows mate? Now don't get angry, but I think it would be in your best interests to hire a chainsaw from Kennards to give the caterpillars a bit of a trim? Karen Dear Karen, I'm just as God made me. Well, I mean, when I was born I was smaller and naked and I couldn't talk and I wasn't the PM, but apart from that. Janette, my stylist (she's also my wife), Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844167022002-11-12T05:55:00.000-08:002002-11-12T05:55:38.883-08:00Dear John, Have you considered investing all the money you are spending on the military and refugee gulags on building a time machine instead? That way, you can travel back to the 1950s and escape all the terrible social ills of the modern world, instead of trying to take all of us back with you. Concerned for your welfare, and ours Dear Concerned, That'd be heaps cool, but I asked Peter Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844074412002-11-11T23:59:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:59:52.000-08:00John, Steve Bracks is calling an election soon, so we hear. We know he's a family man, a nice looking gentleman to the ladies, who has done nothing for Victoria except open projects started by the previous government, and kiss arse with every greenie and yobbo around. What are your suggestions to the Victorian Labor voters to get Liberal (even though it will be Jeff Kennett-less) into power? Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844073582002-11-11T23:55:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:55:58.906-08:00John, You are awesome! Well done on your work so far! Besides your Australian collegues, which international politician are you close with? Sandra Dear Sandra, I'm really good mates with George Bush. Like, he's my best mate, and I don't know if I'm his best mate but I told him I'd give him half of the lamingtons Janette packed me for lunch yesterday if I could be his best mate, but he didn't Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844073092002-11-11T23:53:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:53:56.200-08:00Dear John, With your narrow, 1950s, Leave It to Beaver view of the world, it strikes me as a tad strange that Janette seems to run the show down at Kirribilli. Ward Cleaver would never have let it happen. Who wears the pants in your family, John? Jamie Dear Jamie, Janette doesn't like to wear pants, she prefers skirts and dresses. Of course I run my household! I mean, if I couldn't do that,Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844068402002-11-11T23:35:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:35:20.193-08:00Mr Howard, Has George Bush II given you a cool deputy sheriff badge so you're no longer jealous of Philip Ruddock's Amnesty badge. We also hear Kevin Andrew's has a 'Honk if You Love Jesus' badge to go along with the bumper-stick, is this all the rage? Also if you're deputy-sheriff do you get to say lots of kick-arse Chuck Norris lines, and karate kick the occasional reporter? Dunc Dear Dunc,Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844067752002-11-11T23:32:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:32:52.050-08:00John, Have you ever played Knock and Run? Sarah Dear Sarah, Sorry, I don't know that game. My favourite games are: cricket, Monopoly (some people reckon I look like the Monopoly man, but I don't see it), and Street Fighter on my Sega (you get to beat up Asians and stuff. My favourite character is Ken, he's from America). Sometimes we also play rugby at Parliament House. Since Labor lost Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844066702002-11-11T23:28:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:28:45.390-08:00Mr PM, Did you have fun at the footy and standing next to the NZ PM chick? Lisa Dear Lisa I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the Labor Party suck. Mind you, Helen Clark is cooler than Tony Blair or Simon Crean, in a lame sort of way. But I reckon she can't speak New Zealand, 'cause I can, and I go to her, "Thus us choice fush und chups, eh bro?" And she didn't know what I was sayingJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844064952002-11-11T23:22:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:26:20.000-08:00John, I heard Peter Andren talking to someone the other day and he said you were a big dumb-head. And you smell like poo. He made me promise not to tell you, too, otherwise he's going to give me a big noogie. Oops. Anyway. Are you going to fight him? Innle Dear Innle, I probably won't fight him because he smells like poo. And because I'm rubber, and he's glue, and everything he says bouncesJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844063672002-11-11T23:18:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:18:13.676-08:00John, You're not really gonna sell Telstra to foreigners are you? The 'stra' in Telstra is from the word Australia. If Telstra goes to USA, will it become 'Telmerica', or something about how you get excited by telephone calls from george bush? Telerection? Cory Dear Cory, I always thought the "stra" stood for "orchestra". But "Australia" make a lot more sense. What do you reckon the "Tel" Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844062362002-11-11T23:13:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:13:17.980-08:00John, I know you're big on the Bush man at the moment but he's not the one who's going to bestow knighthood on you, when that time comes. Have you thought about that, John? (Most Lib leaders get them, if you haven't noticed; though, curiously, Labor leaders don't. Discuss.) And another thing you should think about: there's already a Sir John - that Kerr bloke, the CIA spy. And a Sir Winston, Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844061922002-11-11T23:12:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:12:11.636-08:00Dear John, I reckon you're the coolest leader we've ever had. I just want to know, how do you get your eyebrows like that? Does Janette do them for you? I bet that's why George didn't invite you to Camp David - he's just jealous of how much more statesmanlike you look. If you want him to like you you have to stop showing him up all the time. I was a bit upset to hear you'd donated some of your Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844060692002-11-11T23:08:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:08:10.633-08:00Hey John, Mate, long time fan of yours. I always admired the courage it took to stand up to Beazley. He was so big. Anyways, my idea is, do you reckon we could have a conscription bill signing up the democrats and labour and everyone else that you.. I mean we don't like? then we can send them off to war instead. I'm sure Simon Meany could scare them all away. So with my radical cool ideas, canJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844059352002-11-11T23:04:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:08:48.000-08:00John, The other day I bumped into someone in the street and I was in such a rush, I didn't remember to say "sorry"! What should I have done? Do you think it's OK to not say "sorry" now and again, like when you're reeealy busy 'n that? Joffaboy Dear Joffaboy, Was it an Aboriginal? Aboriginals have a thing with that word. They're always trying to get me to say it. Now, it wasn't your fault Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844058372002-11-11T23:01:00.000-08:002002-11-11T23:01:40.920-08:00Dear John, I'm really concerned about Australia's current policy of mandatory detention. I mean, there are people who are fleeing persecution in their own country, only to be put in jail in Australia. Shouldn't we be helping these people, rather than victimising them? On top of that, the policy is in breech of the UN Declaration of Human Rights. How long is this going to go on? B Wallace Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844057032002-11-11T22:57:00.000-08:002002-11-11T22:57:39.166-08:00Johnny, So you think you'll cop the youf vote with your blog? But are your blog workers union loyalists (or at least 40 per cent of them, er, should that be 60 per cent --- i'll have to ask the actu)? Tell the youf that, ay. Bring it on! Yours in hopping mad opposition, Simon Cream Dear Simon, Your thinly disguised name change doesn't fool me, I know who you really are... Simon Crean! Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844056352002-11-11T22:55:00.000-08:002002-11-11T22:55:30.600-08:00Dear John, Here in Japan I meet many people who think the Prime Minister of Australia is Pauline Hanson and that the White Australia Policy is still in force. I tell them that Ms. Hanson and yourself are two different people and Australia is being led my a fearless and courageous man. But can you kindly advise me what I should say or how to counter this misinformation? Paul PS: When are you Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844047652002-11-11T22:28:00.000-08:002002-11-11T22:28:14.443-08:00Hi there PM, After a long week in Parliament not so long ago, I went out to the 'Holy Grail' to let my hair down. Soon after I arrived I saw Joe Hockey showing off his moves on the dance floor and I can tell you, he ain't no John Travolta. He also took off his tie and let his wild chest hair emerge from his half-unbuttoned shirt. It was sick! Do you think you could mention it to him in Cabinet Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844046762002-11-11T22:25:00.000-08:002002-11-11T22:25:40.160-08:00Dude! Where's my car? C@ Dear c@, I don't know where your car is. I was never told about this car. I'm not even sure I know what a car is. Ask Peter Reith. He probably knows. In fact, he probably stole your car. In fact, there are pictures proving that he did steal your car, while sewing his lips up and throwing small, foreign children out of the car window. Actaully, scrap that last bit. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844045722002-11-11T22:22:00.000-08:002002-11-11T22:26:15.000-08:00John, Why are you so mean to native australians? Pete Dear Pete, The thing about Aboriginals, is that they want to take over the country. I mean, that's what native title is all about: Aboriginals stealing all our land. They've got to understand that they can't just come in here and take land that doesn't belong to them. I'm not being mean, just acting in the best interests of Australia. Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844045012002-11-11T22:20:00.000-08:002002-11-11T22:20:07.153-08:00John, I know that we are the lucky country - stable system of government, constitution that has stood for a serious period of time, the rule of law, good standard of living, weather good except in places like Canberra, no border disputes and all of that. The only problem is, our neighbours seem to let us down. What can we do to make countries like Solomon Islands, Nauru, New Zealand, Fiji, PNG Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844044022002-11-11T22:17:00.000-08:002002-11-11T22:17:42.310-08:00John, Why don't we get any bloody money? I go to one of the top selective schools in Sydney, and although we're all old and have tradition as well as smart people, we have no money. Instead, you give it to bloody private schools where all they do is screw sheep and molest each other. NOT HAPPY, JOHN! Little Miss Curious Dear Little Miss Curious, When I went to Canterbury Boys' High, I oftenJohnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844042322002-11-11T22:12:00.000-08:002002-11-11T22:12:36.536-08:00Dear Mr Howard, Sir, I did like you said, and stayed home to bring up the kiddies. The trouble is, their father smokes pot hardcore, and can just about manage to pay for an ounce a week out of his wage, but it doesn't leave much for the housekeeping jar, you know? So I went and got me one of those beaut pensions. Now, I know I shouldn't have, not really, cus now I can't have any friends (we Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844040972002-11-11T22:09:00.000-08:002002-11-11T22:09:03.596-08:00John, Just thought of a way of filling the Liberal Party coffers, that Malcolm Turnbill hadn't thought of, now that he's the family man and all. We've had the Australian women's soccer team, the rugby league and nearly every other under-recognised sport do an erotic calendar, so what about a 'Liberal party calendar' to raise money to ensure the world is Liberal until at least the next Haley's Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3938816.post-844027492002-11-11T21:30:00.000-08:002002-11-11T21:31:11.000-08:00 Hey, Can I call you "Little Johnny Howard"? - Daniel Dear Daniel, No you can't. I'm sick of people picking on me for my height. There are plenty of other people you can pick on in this country: Foreigners, Muslims, The Poor, Union Loyalists, Aboriginals, Members of the Labor Party... it's one of the few benefits of living in a multi-cultural socitey. Plus, there have been heaps of cool Johnnyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636376476723955noreply@blogger.com