Ask John

John Howard,

You can enlarge your member 1-3 inches in a matter of days!

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- Many More Inches

Dear Many,

I'm a Member of Parliament, and I'd love to be a few extra inches taller. I've been vertically challenged my whole life, and I've tried heaps of things things to get taller, but nothing's worked. Like, I thought platform shoes would make me look really funky and stuff, but they're really hard to walk in, and Janette wouldn't let me put rhinestones into my suit to match, anyway. I also tried spiking my hair up, but I don't actually have that much hair and I looked too much like one of those angry kids with the piercings and chains.

So if you can help me grow a bit, that'd be really cool. I'm one member who could do with a few extra inches.

Got a question? Then share, because I care. Email me, the people's PM, at jhlog@hotmail.com