Dear Great One,

Do you think that after we kick Saddam's arse George will let us hold a Triumph? Like they used to have in Rome: We can drag Saddam through the streets in a cage and all the kiddies can throw pies and lamingtons at him. We need another celebration, it's been a long time since the Olympics.

Patriot 1

Dear Patriot,

Hmm, Rome... that sounds foreign, like isn't that somwhere in Asia? You've gotta be careful about using those Asian traditions, 'cause before you know it, they'll have taken over our way of life, and we won't have great Aussie past times like Christmas or Halloween.

But you're right, we probably should do something to celebrate whipping Saddam's bum, but something Aussie, like a barbeque or a pie night. And it would have to be hosted by Bert Newton or Eddie MacGuire. And we could all sit around and sing "Na na na naaa, na na na naaaaa, Sa-da-aaaam, goo-ood bye!"

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Dear John,

Last week we walked for peace and this morning we walked for CAA.

I heard that you walk a lot too – what do you walk for?

Paul

Dear Paul,

I walk for publicity and sex appeal, mainly. Because politicians wearing suits in pictures has been done too much and is soooo unoriginal, but when I wear my running-shorts and show a bit of leg, the ladies go wild! Well, they probably do, I mean, I don't see them when they open up the paper and drool over pictures of me going for my morning power-walk in exotic locations like America or Adelaide, but clearly those sorts of saucy pictures sell papers, because why else would people buy them? To read editorials written by bleeding-heart lefties who use too many big words? Not likely.

Plus, I also walk so I don't end up looking like Kim Beazley.

Got a question? Then share, because I care. Email me, the people's PM, at jhlog@hotmail.com