Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Dear Johnny,

I was wondering what you will be dressing up as for Halloween tomorrow?



You know, in the past, every year I used to go as Robert Menzies. It wasn't a hard costume -- just a wig and a pillow up my shirt and I was set. But this year, I decided to dress up as someone different. Someone as cool as Robert Menzies... if not cooler! Yeah, that's right, this year I'm dressing up as George Bush! It's gonna be wicked, I've got a grey wig and everything!

Of course, the lame part is that I'm going to be in Canberra for Halloween. Canberra isn't scary at all. But at least it'll give me the chance to throw eggs and toilet paper at Simon Crean. Well, ok, I do that all the time, but this time I also get free lollies!

Plus, the cabinet always has a costume competition, though Phillip Ruddock always wins. No one's ever quite sure what he's supposed to be, but man he looks scary. Eric Abetz has a new costume, too. Normally he comes as Hitler, but this year he's gonna come as Bob Brown. And I think it's time that Amanda Vanstone stopped coming as Kim Beazley, though the similarity is uncanny...

Got a question? Then share, because I care. Email me, the people's PM, at

Sunday, October 26, 2003


The reason I’m writing is to ask a question about George. As you know, America’s presidential elections are held next year. If George doesn’t get elected for a second term, will you offer him a chance to work in the government here? You could have him go everywhere with you, and give him a job title like “The PM’s Super-Cool Advisor and Best Friend”.

What do you think?

Greg B


Well, George is like the most popular man in the world, so as IF he won't get re-elected.

But, if we lived in some bizzare-o world where he didn't get re-elected, I guess I'd have to give him my job. I mean, I'm an awesome PM, but George is even more awesome-er than me. Then we could be just like America! Imagine it: A Starbucks on every corner, American TV shows all day, kids wearing US Baseball caps, rap music... It'd be such a different place!

But it's crazy talk, anyway, 'cause George is going to be President of the World for EVER!

Got a question? Then share, because I care. Email me, the people's PM, at

Dear Johnny,

What do you and Janette reckon about the new Salads Plus menu at McDonalds?



Personally, I've always been a Happy Meal Man. The toys in those things rule. But you know what sucks about McDonalds? The pickles in their burgers. Once I was going to try to pass legislation to make pickles in burgers illegal, but John Anderson didn't reckon the National Party voters would go for it. Losers.

But anyway, the new Salads Plus menu looks to me like they're trying to suck up to hippies. They even put a hippie on the ad. I reckon that McDonalds is a celebration of all things American, and hippies are always protesting about America, so they'll ruin the place. They should go and eat their lentils and tofu somewhere else. Like Cuba.

Got a question? Then share, because I care. Email me, the people's PM, at

Who made you get rid of that attractive comb-over you had for so many years? The T formed by your hair going straight across and your Menzies style eyebrows shooting straight up reminded me to be ever vigilant of all those Traitors in our midst you've fought so hard against. People like abo's, single mums, lefties and poofters. Commies who think Telstra should be of benefit to the whole community not just your mates in the big end of town. Hysterical anti-Americans who think blasting the crap out of Afghanis and Iraqis is somehow morally wrong.

Keep sticking it up em John, and er, George of course.




Well, you know, I wouldn't have a comb-over if I had a bit more hair. Of course, I'm totally hot, so it doesn't matter, but still, it's more because I have to have it. But like, Sean Connery is bald, and I reckon he's totally hot. In a non-sexual way, of course. And I look heaps like him, too. Check it:

It's uncanny.

Got a question? Then share, because I care. Email me, the people's PM, at